So I had my stroke that caused a seizure two weeks ago yesterday and I had my heart surgery two weeks ago on Saturday. I'm still feeling really tired but I am slowly getting back into the swing of things. I'm going to work for half a day or so and I can do simple things for myself. I still need my wife to help me shower and do various things for me since I really can't do a lot for myself since I really can't use my right arm or leg.

I started physical therapy for my limpy leg yesterday (which tired me out like crazy even though it was just baseline testing, nothing too tricky) and I had occupational therapy for my arm today. I was so defeated because I thought it really wasn't that bad and it was just a little weakness and numbness in my arm that would eventually come back. After all the tests I was soo tired and realized I can't do Shat with that arm/hand. I feel so defeated because I can't even do simple things that a 5 year old could easily do.

There was this test were you put little not round pegs (a circle with a stick sticking out the side) in different holes where the stick was in different directions so you had to turn the peg to make it fit in the hole. I could barely pick up the peg and when I could/did I had trouble turning it so I could put it in. My arm hurt really bad and halfway through I was so frustrated with myself that I wanted to flip the table and say Frick it.

The therapist said my mind is ready and telling my body what to do but my body is still healing and relearning the activity because the stroke stopped blood to the brain and killed certain parts of my brain that controlled these functions. It will take time to regenerate or rewire if it can't regenerate it but I want it done now. I want to be back to normal and I don't want to feel broken anymore. I know it's barely been 2 wks but I feel like a burden on my wife and that she'll eventually give up on me.

Plus we got the bill for the hospital stay today. For 6 days it costed $236 thousand and change. Luckily I have good insurance and it's covering it but I got a letter today that said it wouldn't approve the heart surgery. I'm scared because that was easily over $50k. What's the point of having insurance if they're not going to covre everything.