Hello Sypu: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I understand how you feel about disclosing your concerns to a therapist or psychologist. But really... there's nothing to be embarrassed about here. Believe me... assuming the therapist you see is at all experienced, she or he will have heard of much, more difficult struggles many times over! The thing is... just don't go into therapy with the idea you have to spill everything all at once. Just go in & talk about things a little bit at a time. Give yourself time to feel comfortable with your therapist or psychologist & with the therapy process itself. And gradually you'll make progress & achieve what you want to achieve.

If the first therapist or psychologist you see turns out to be one you don't feel comfortable with, then try another one. And keep trying until you find the right one for you. (Not every therapist, or psychologist, works well with every client.) It's important to talk through what you are struggling with. Keeping all of this to yourself & allowing it to "rattle around in your brain", so to speak, is a prescription for ongoing unhappiness and confusion.

Another forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the coping with emotions forum. Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/coping-emotions/

And then, here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, onn the subject of what to do when you just feel empty:

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...-what-to-do-2/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/when-y...dium=popular17

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...t-angry-empty/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sext-...eling-nothing/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/child...n-a-full-life/

My best wishes to you...

P.S. I noticed you list yourself as being in China. One of my interests is reading classical Chinese poetry (from the Tang & Song dynasties.) I'm also fond of the poetry of the late, contemporary poet Hai Zi. I don't have the ability to read Chinese though. So I just read it in English translation. One of my favorite translators is Red Pine (Bill Porter) who I believe is quite well known in China... perhaps better known there than he is here in the U.S.