A while ago, like almost three years ago, I was in treatment for something and saw a therapist there.
I ended up talking about a lot of things that I hadn't talked about before, but now I look back on some of the sessions and feel paralysing shame. Memories pop up and I feel like smacking myself in the face to get them out of my head, because I hate them.

For example, I have had issues around sex for as long as I can remember, including not having any interest in (or being unable to be) intimate relationships, despite having a libido, and being ashamed about having a sexual side. At one point my shame around this got overwhelming, to the point of having panic attacks and feeling like I needed to "confess" it to someone, and I told my therapist in treatment.

We ended up having one session on that , which was more like an interview. He just asked an endless list of questions and looking back on it, some of them were very medical and invasive. Now when memories of this come up I feel sick with shame that this happened and that I ever had this conversation with someone. I see another therapist now and have tried to talk about sexual issues a couple of times, but I feel so ashamed I just don't want to open up that topic again.

The therapist I saw before was harmful in other ways, unrelated to this specific topic, and over the past year the people who worked with him have seemed to realise that he wasn't a very ethical therapist. I feel a bit more validated now that others have had this realisation, but it hasn't changed the fact that I have a whole lot of memories I just want to get rid of. I am frustrated that I still feel ashamed of my sexuality and have issues with that part of life, but I feel sick at the thought of trying to talk about it in therapy again.