I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I'm an old man now. But I've had a life-long struggle with gender identity dysphoria. It began before I even have any memories of my childhood. For the majority of my life, I kept it a closely guarded secret, one I fully intended to take with me to the grave. I kept it even through my first serious suicide attempt.

Then I made my second, last & most serious bid to end my life. And, as a result, my secret came out. (I'll spare you the details.) Anyway... as a result of all of this, my wife now knows & I've had a number of less than comforting discussions with mental health professionals. But nothing in my life has changed as a result of it all. After a while, I realized no one really wanted to know anything about my "secret". So I quietly crept back into the closet & closed the door. I'm still in there. But I carry around a boatload of embarrassment with regard to the fact that my "secret" is out there now as well as with regard to some of the memories I have of how it got out there. I wish I had just kept it all to myself.