Quote:
Originally Posted by Skull&Crossbones
Thanks guys. I just want to make it clear, that it isn't the coursework that's the issue. I've always had a very high GPA, even when I've been less, let's just say, stable.
The issue now is that I'm taking a class with everyone else already has the type of job I'm trying to eventually get, and some of them have been doing it for YEARS. So I'm the stupid one in the class. It's just depressing. And I have to leave work early to go to class so I'm losing money. Plus, I'm not eligible for ANY financial aid. Not even loans if I wanted to go that route. All because of having my terminal degree. I get it, I'm not supposed to go back to school at this point. I'm supposed to be teaching at a college myself. I'm just not good enough or smart enough to compete with other applicants for the handful of jobs that there are.
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While I haven't had to sacrifice as much time and money as you are, I've been in a similar position lately, where in order to acquire larger responsibilities in the financial planning firm I work for, I've had to take some tough, disheartening classes.
Like you, I've always had a high GPA, despite mental health factors working against me. But now I'm stuck in these courses filled with professionals who already have years of experience in this industry I'm just now getting familiar with. It's profoundly frustrating and discouraging to feel like the stupid one in class.
I know this doesn't address everything, and despite similarities, I recognize we're in different boats... But I've had to reevaluate how I handle my self-esteem. I can't pin my value on something I'm learning now, years out of school, in a field full of people who have been doing this work longer than I've even been out of diapers in some cases. I reassure myself that I'm smart and good, even if in different ways than my classmates. I recognize I'm at a disadvantage, and I value my dedication to fighting through that. It's not always easy, but I've been getting better.
I also reward my efforts by doing things I know I'm good at on the side, or at least enjoy doing. Takes some of the pain out of it.