Today, the bank statement came, and our balance is really low. On the positive side, my husband did just get paid, but the bank hasn't processed the direct deposit yet. Still, it's not a lot. I had been handling the household expenses (groceries, vet appointments, dental, health), but my husband didn't realize I'd also been buying other unnecessary things, mostly ebooks, emusic and such that really added up. Plus, we both know I buy groceries we end up not using and throwing out, so I have to get better at that.

Today, my daughter was at a day camp for gifted & talented elementary students in her school district. Since my husband teaches high school, he is home for the summer as well. There is a high probability he will get offered the position of a visiting professor at a university that would keep him on if they like him, but the department he would be working for had discovered some massive accounting error going back years, and they are to be audited in September, so they have a hiring freeze right now, which is inconvenient, to say the least.

I finally admitted to my husband today about spending money on ebooks and such, raising my credit card bill, and that if I stop that and do better on groceries, we would save quite a bit of money each month. We worked on a budget today. Also, I told him I felt I could do substitute teaching, especially for the school district he works in. It is not as far as driving into Houston (the freeways and traffic jams into Houston make me anxious and panicky), and they have a lot of schools (it's the largest district closest to our house, outside of the Houston school district). I wouldn't have to worry about being evaluated, department meetings and unreasonable requests, and it would generate some money. Plus, our daughter is old enough that if she needs to, she can just take the bus to & from school and stay home alone, so we wouldn't have the cost of childcare. We discussed it, and I figured I can try it. If it doesn't work out, it's not a big deal. He says his school is often desperate for subs. I put in an application for it. Our other big expense is our mortgage, and, really, we can't do anything about that.

We are going to have to take money out of our savings account just to get by this summer, but I am praying that university job will come through.

It felt so good to come clean to my husband about financial stuff I'd been trying to hide. Now, I have to stick to those spending goals.

Right now, I'm organizing my office. I have so many books I will never be able to read them in a lifetime, so I'm paring them down as well as other junk. If I can get my office tidy, I will have room to do activities with my daughter that we both enjoy, such as putting together jigsaw puzzles. We have cats, and we cannot just leave a puzzle out in a room without a door; they would have a blast. However, my office is a massive project. Also, I need to go through the food, see what we have, get rid of what is expired. And I want to go through my clothes and get rid of things that don't fit or that I just don't wear. It's a lot of projects. I hope I am not heading into a manic phase, but I'm still sleeping enough at night, making myself take breaks and am not constantly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with another man (I have never cheated on him).

Keep praying for us to get through this time and not have to lose our house.