Dear Silver Queen --

I am so sorry that you are suffering so much right now. I'm really glad that KimmyDawn wrote that beautiful post with things you need to hear right now: I don't know you as well as she, and it is beautiful to witness how much you care about each other.

I don't know that having a bf solves anything. Esp. not if you don't want one for the time being.

I used to have the kind of reckless attitude -- and actions -- you describe, when I was younger. One time I went to buy marijuana in a migrant workers' camp that was so rough, three people were murdered there in a single weekend shortly after, and the county shut it down. I had nice middle class sources, but I did it anyway. I didn't SI, but I was plenty self-destructive. So your message brought back lots of feelings about the bad old days.

I don't have any words that can make things better. In some of the 12-step meetings I've attended, I've heard people say that the gift of the program is the already-sober just "love people [until they get] well." Or love them into being well. I pray that there is enough love for you here and with your T and friends to love you to wellness and wholeness and happiness.