Sigh. Where do I begin.

Today's session was sidetracked by the fact that I saw C's previous client coming out of his office, and she fell into that triggering demographic of mine. She was young...younger than I am...and thin and pretty. And I'm still not ok after seeing her...even hours later. I didn't tell C about it until the final 5 minutes of the session, but when I did, I cried. The jealousy is so intense.

I've sent him a follow-up email because I didn't get to talk much about it in the session. I really hope that I hear something in response, because I'm still in agony. I feel bad for being in such agony for so many days back to back...afraid he's going to get tired of it, tired of me, and stop responding. I literally feel hormonal - like I did after having my daughter - I cannot stop crying.

First, because we spoke about sexual things, which made me ashamed.

Then, because we talked about touch, and what I can't have.

And, finally, because I encountered this girl, and can't help but think he's got the same daddy-like feelings for her...and I feel unworthy and replaceable.

It hurts so much. I honestly want to ask him for another session tomorrow, because I am just not ok.

Actually, I just texted to ask for one. I really really hope he gives it to me.