I'm guessing at 18 you probably don't have the money to pay for online therapy. I know I didn't! In any case, you are most likely not on your own insurance plan, so someone would find out if you started seeing a therapist and they filed insurance. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what to suggest. It seems unlikely that you'll be able to find a way to start seeing a therapist secretly before starting college in the fall. I understand the urgency you feel, I really do - but might you be able to hold out a couple more months? Then as soon as you get to college, make an appointment with the counseling center? You could probably even call ahead of time and make one in advance. In the meantime, perhaps you could consult with a GP and get on an antidepressant or something.