Have been taking the 1 mg of night klonopin (in addition to the morning one) as per my pdoc and I've had mixed results. It's helping me fall asleep, but then I've had fitful sleeps where I keep waking up.

But last night I was very tired and it passed me out really quickly and then I slept for some 15 hours. I needed it. I was so so exhausted.

My pdoc appointment was pushed up and I see her next week. I'm not sure how she will be able to help except to be a shoulder to cry on. She's very kind.

When I met with the social worker and my mother on Wednesday, she reneged on her promise to allow for home care. When I talked to her last night, she said she wants to have the meeting with the oncologists first. I'll bring it up with them, and if they agree, HOPEFULLY, then my hope is that, coming from doctors instead of me and her PT, she will take it seriously. I explained to her that, given her great fall risk and her osteoporosis (which can lead to fractures), if she were to fall and fracture something, she could end up in a skilled nursing facility and then become all the more weak. She said she knew this... It's very frustrating. It's her decision, but she needs homecare.

She has a history of depression (has taken Lexapro for years) and is depressed now. She lives alone (divorced for many decades) and doesn't like people in her house. She said she 'doesn't like people,' and, sadly, this is true.

She refuses to take the Xanax her PCP prescribed for her because she says it makes her feel only 'artificially' better. Ugh. She was a different person on it (the 1 time she took it) not irritable, positive, just a better version of herself. I think it would help her tremendously to take it, but she refuses.

I have the day off and will be just chilling on my own. Trying not to think of my mom. Her oncology appointment won't be until sometime next week (hopefully). I had been calling and calling about scheduling it, but when my mother saw her surgeon on Tuesday she was told it was taking time to go over all of her medical records to make recommendations. Unlike before, she's not worried about starting radiation asap. So I'll try not to worry too. Though they said it was an aggressive form of breast cancer and I believe she does need it asap. I keep contradicting myself.

My mother is someone who 'likes to like her doctors' and she's likely to take their advice. Especially if they have a sense of humor which is essential for her. So I'm hoping that if they recommend homecare, she will go for it.

If she does, it will be more time off from work because we will need to interview people, but it is what it is. I've explained to my boss the situation and she's been understanding (that I'll need a lot of time off and sometimes at the last minute). I'm fortunate in that.

But, again, I have a day off today and I'm just going to try not to worry and sit in front of the TV. Just have a TOTAL day off.

Thanks for the support I have received. It has meant so much to me!