So what I would do, and what I did in past abusive relationships (not romantic but other kinds of abusive relationships) is make a list of their accusations or whatever they said, and then just write down all the facts that refute that...I mean, I'm assuming that their hurtful/cruel words were to accuse/blame you for things or call you names.

Example, my last employer tried to paint me as a failure and told unemployment I wasn't suited for the work. I made a list of all the successes I had while working there and all the money I raised for them, and, in my head, I could reconcile that they needed something to tell themselves to make them feel better about it, when the plain truth is far different.

However, in this process, it also helps to look at your own faults, and places where you did make mistakes, and just own that you aren't perfect either, but that doesn't negate your contributions to the relationship or make you a bad person or worthy of the abuse. The fact that you are flawed, as we all are, does not mean you somehow deserve his abuse or that anything he said was true. I just find that often we doubt ourselves because our own faults seem so huge to us, in our minds, that we sometimes can't reconcile that their statements are NOT true, because we somehow think we're deserving of it. In my case, was I a perfect employee? No. But was I a good employee who took initiative and was successful in reaching my goals, as set by my boss? Yes.

Are you perfect? No. Does that mean you deserved his abuse? No. Is he full of crap? Yes.

You get over it by repeating this to yourself over and over again until you don't have to look at your list anymore, you can immediately dismiss it if it comes to mind because you know it's not true.

I hope this makes sense and is helpful.

Seesaw