Thank you all! divine1966, yes it's that relationship. Soon after it ended, I started therapy and have been doing that work ever since, focusing on what led to this relationship not working out (severe traumas in my past) but never actually on the feelings I had about this relationship. Now that something brought them to the surface, I decided to deal with them so that once I'm ready, I'll actually be open to a new relationship if the opportunity for one comes along. I don't feel I'm quite there yet, but it's my goal