I have had several issues around sex and sexuality too. I'd be glad to PM with you if you want to talk about them. There was a time in my life when I was really ashamed of it. But now I'm not. My sexuality is different than a lot of people's, but there is a huge range of "normal" sexuality in the world. There is so much beyond the male-female man on top kind of sex. I'm private with most people, because I think a lot of them wouldn't understand. But I have accepted it and can talk about it very easily with therapists. Maybe too easily because I think I creeped out my male, religious, completely heterosexual therapist. He tries to understand though, so that's all I can hope for, since I'm not planning to change it. Even if I could that is.

I think that's a big part of starting to be OK with your sexuality. You have to realize that if sexuality isn't inborn, it is formed so early in life that it might as well be. You didn't chose it. It's nearly impossible to change, so you might as well accept it. That doesn't mean that you can't broaden sexual practices, but that deep sexuality part inside of you isn't likely to change.

The thing that helped me the most in accepting my sexuality was finding other similar people out there to talk to about it. And there are definitely other people out there similar to you. I don't know how old you are, but when I first realized I was different there was no internet. I had no way to find other people like me...but now it's really easy.

The shame that you feel about talking to the therapist about it, I totally get. It sounds like he didn't respect you sharing it with him, and that wasn't right. Maybe he didn't mean to, but still. He should have reassured you that you were OK and been a safe place to talk about it. I kind of think that in order to get past that shame and place the blame on him where it belongs, you will probably need to find a really safe person you can talk to about it...and probably talk about it over and over until the shame is gone. I promise you it will go away if you work at it. 20 years ago I was thinking about suicide because of my sexuality, but now I'm fine with it. I still feel shame over a lot of things, but I don't feel shame about my weird sexuality. It is what it is. And it makes me kind of interesting, even though I only share it with people I trust.