i feel similarly and believe therapy is anything but a secure attachment. i just wrote a response on another thread about my views of secure attachment and so i will just re-post what i said there here:

personally, and this is based on my own opinion and experince, i do not think it's even feasible to attach 'securely' to a therapist. there are too many boundaries and ethical issues in the way. plus if the T does not have their own s*#t together, that will hinder the attachment as well. in fact, it's an insane concept to expect that any human who has been devoid of a secure attachment figure from infant-hood could eventually form one with an almost complete stranger, who is absent much of the time (except for one or a couple hours per week), and is a for the most part a non-reciprocated relationship with the client. too me, this sounds quite illogical and because of the constraints of the therapeutic relationship, i never formed that 'secure' attachment to my ex-T and therapy with him (due to his own ego and needs) was mostly a repeat of my already formed disorganised attachment style that i experienced early as an infant and thus throughout much of my life in relationships.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DP_2017 View Post
From what I see many people with deep attachments, never really get better, they just go to another T at some point to work through that previous attachment.

i do agree with what DP says, that many do not get better when trying to attach to their Ts, and this is because of what i stated above. it's most disheartening to see those with attachment issues feeling like they have to move onto another T to help not only with the original attachment issue from infant-hood, but to also address the attachment harmed causes by a prior incompetent T.

the one part of DPs post i do not agree with is that i did find it possible heal from my deep attachment wounds and to form a 'secure' attachment to others. in my case, it was my child parts who came to experince my husband as a secure attachment figure. the reason why i think this was possible was because my husband was able to attend to my attachment needs unlike my T ever could. hubby was quite involved in my healing work...during the last three years of therapy he was at almost every session sitting next to me, listening and holding me or my hands, he was by my side and my witness during all the struggles between sessions, he was reachable when i was in crisis, he helped me with my nuerofeedback sessions, and most important of all, he was trustworthy. these are the exact things that my own T could never possibly do because of the constraints of therapy.

i think when clients (and even some therapists) struggle with attachment, they tend to view it from an adults perspective and forget that it was during the infant/very early childhood stages where the attachment style was formed. being able to view it from a child's perspective and being able to acknowledge and embrace that it was the child self/part that was severely wounded so long ago goes a long way to helping those struggling with this concept as adults to except it and to work towards healing those deep wounds.

i wish all of you going through this the very best, because i know that healing from attachment issues is probably one of the most difficult and painful aspects of your truama that you are trying to come to terms with.