My T responds to emails during office hours Mon-Thurs. If I email him on a weekend, he’ll respond on a Monday. Sometimes his responses are one sentence and sometimes they are longer and more thoughtful. Lately I have felt stressed out that he is not reachable on the weekends for a quick response. Our sessions are on Wednesday and by the weekend I often feel like our connection starts to fade in my mind. Last Saturday I sent an angry email partially about this which we mostly talked through last week. I asked him why he doesn’t respond on weekends and although I can come up with good answers on my own I just wanted to see what he would say. I happened to ask if his other clients email him and he said others only email about scheduling issues. I felt both embarrassed and touched by this at the same time. Embarrassed because I had just sent him an angry email and touched at the realization that he had been letting me do this even though it wasn’t the norm. I typically like to be “normal” and am a rule follower. He says I’ve had “relational trauma” and my needs have not been met which I think is why he’s been good about emails. I’m typically very independent and don’t rely much on others. However, I’m asking him for an occasional quick email response on weekends. He seemed to be talking aloud about the pros & cons of this during our last session which made me uncomfortable so I changed the topic.

Have you every asked your T for a boundary change? Do you think I’m asking too much? Am I just testing him?