Been there. It does get better. Eventually.

Still, being in the middle of it really sucks. It's painful. It's unnerving. It's exhausting.

Can you try and find some more compassion with yourself? You're feeling a lot of pain right now. Maybe you're allowing yourself to feel this pain for the first time ever. So yes, this can be unsettling. And confusing. But crying is a pretty "normal" reaction when you're feeling pain. And maybe you're grieving as well, for the things you never had growing up.

I don't want to sound cold or unempathetic. But feeling the pain is actually a "good" sign - because you're allowing yourself to feel this. Up to now you held it mostly in, I guess. Maybe you *knew* you were sad, but you didn't really *feel* the sadness and the grief. Allowing yourself to actually experience those emotions is a step in the right direction, I feel. At least it was for me.

And please, don't feel silly for crying. It makes you human. And that's a good thing.

All the best, c_r