Thank you @skeezyks it's really thoughtful of you to put together that list of articles.
I related especially to this part of one of those articles:
Quote:
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These parents respond to their children on the surface, while selectively, unpredictably rejecting and punishing their kids’ emotional responses. In addition, the parents may reward their children for being how they want them to be, and harshly reject or punish them for simply being, or feeling, themselves. When you grow up this way, since you are not permitted to “be” who you are, you develop a fragmented version of who you should be. You reject parts of yourself that your parents find unacceptable (including your feelings), and may experience yourself as perfect one day (when you’ve pleased your parents), and horrible or worthless the next (when you have not). The missing piece for this child, once grown up, is more than emotion; it’s also a cohesive sense of self.
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I think this sadness may be a "piece" that I had to forget about all along. I realized just recently how my dad only showed me any love or attention when I was what he wanted me to be.