I also want to add that by saying that our need for real authentic connectedness with other human beings, where we don't need to play games and can safely be ourselves, is NOT a suggestion that forming a friendship with a therapist is a good idea. I would never advocate for any personal relationship with a therapist in any way, shape or form.

I had a friendship with a former therapist and was deeply traumatized as a result. I don't believe authentic friendship with a therapist is possible because I don't believe that the psychological power inequity will ever change even if therapy is over. Sorry, but to me it's just a wishful thinking and a dangerous illusion to entertain.

As a therapist myself, I can attest that once you are "in the role" you never get out of the role if you truly understand what your role is as a therapist.

When I am, by design, put in a position to help someone who came for help that puts enormous power into my hands, which I feel immediately. What I also feel immediately is that this power will always be present in my relationship with that person and for me to pretend otherwise would be unethical and dishonest. Every unethical therapist I've known and read about pretended to be "equal" and acted like a "friend" with a client when they wanted to get the benefits of friendship, but then suddenly would switch back into a "professional" role when they wanted the benefit of being in a more powerful position. This is the most insidious form of emotional abuse I know of.

So, for everyone who cherishes the fantasy of becoming friends with their therapist you can rest assured that no ethical therapist would want to be friends with you, and, if the therapist agreed to be your friend, beware(!) because this is the sign that they never understood their professional role and don't operate on a highly conscious level. This type of individual will bring you more pain than happiness.

When I said that our human need for connections with others is natural I meant to say that it shouldn't be pathologized. I also meant to say that that natural need cannot and should not be fulfilled by any professional. A professional can and should help you to find ways to build connections with people outside of therapy, to build a community outside of therapy that would feel like a home to you because the need to belong to a "tribe", a community that feels like home is also a natural, healthy human need. A therapist cannot replace all that, they cannot replace something that is meant to be found and/or established in the real world through real work and effort. It's not a therapist's job to replace friends, romantic partners, family, community. Any attempt to make a therapist such a replacement will fail and will result in yet another big trauma and disappointment. Any engagement in such wishful thinking is a waste of precious time and energy that can be spent more effectively on efforts to form relationships and meaningful engagements with real people in the real world.