went to see t yesterday

I've been struggling again with my thoughts/voices

t called me out in my not eating. we talked about sabotage again... he was asking which part is keeping me from eating... and ultimately from getting better. I felt confused and said some things that I guess didn't make sense. t had a puzzled look on his face. I made the face back to him and he said why are you looking like that? I said because that's you... that's what you're doing!

t paused and sat for a minute. t said how can I help you. I said I just want to turn my brain off. t said I can teach you mindfulness. do you want to try? I nodded

t said get comfy. close your eyes. t guided me to focus on my breath and if I notice my thoughts drifting away to gently focus them back on my breathing with no judgements

I told t I had planned on hanging out with my friend today but she's bailing on me. I cried because sometimes being around people is the only useful distraction for me from my brain.

I told t that I sleep a lot now because it's the only way to deal. I said but thats pathetic... to sleep all the time. t said it's not pathetic.. he said my meds aren't working right. he said that's taking care of yourself

t wanted to come up with a plan for the rest of the day... but I didn't really have any other options of ppl to ask to hang out.

but after I left t my friend messaged me and said she could hang out. I was so happy n relieved. I had been seriously dreading another day trapped in my mind prison

I texted t to let him know I was gonna hang with her cause he seemed bit worried

he sent back Yay!

it did help to hang out with her