I was struggling with anxiety and depression for some years. Now I fond a job that really makes me happy, I feel the least pain I have felt in years. But there is a catch - I have developed strange feelings for my boss. He is older, we are both married and I never intended to act on any of it. We have met each other's spouses, all nice people. I realise now that I must have had the crush on him for some months already, just in the beginning I couldn't really tell what I was feeling. Could have been a crush from first sight, who knows. Anyhow, I tried to suppress my thoughts, but they kept on coming. So I decided to let the crush run its course, hoping that I will just get over it. And run its course it did. I got to the point where my behaviour changed subconsciously and I cannot control it. It's pretty awful. Upon encounter, I start smiling uncontrollably, showing as many teeth as I can. And I laugh far too much. Nervous laugh really, probably accompanied by blushing. And then he smirks for some reason. He smirks and I laugh. And there we are, having a normal adult conversation while our body language is minding its own business. Oh, and the things I say, I just keep on blabbing. I was hired for being competent, not stupid. Oh dear!

I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I am quite embarrassed about this. I am afraid that as some point he will ask me what is happening to me. Or he might have figured it out already, he's smart. Quitting the job is definitely not an option, I like it too much. Any tips on how not to embarrass myself any further? I am in my 30s by the way, but I am acting like a girl in her early teens. Sigh...