I rarely visit this forum so I do not know you silenthill. I am so sorry you are in intense personal pain and feel like dying is the only way out. It is a rotten place to be. I don't know what all about your therapist saying it's okay to die either. Here's the thing. You do have people in your life who would be massively hurt by your suiciding. Also, you don't know what tomorrow might bring. It's the little things like watching a blizzard for me on Sunday, or watching a baby wave to you as they are discovering waving and their affect on people. I was watching something, don't know what, on T.V about a woman who survived breast cancer, so far, and her adult daughter writing a book about it with mom"s journal and photographs of both of them. Our community recently lost a dear soul to breast cancer so this thing on tv caught me as the woman spoke about how nearly dying taught her how to live each day fully. So I know the will to die too well but now I am looking at living each day. I don't know anything of your abusive husband either. But I can tell you it doesn't change so get safe fast. You are important and deserve safety. I have seen too many domestic abuse situations end poorly. I don't know your situation but I believe you need to get to woman's hotline quickly and do whatever is needed to be safe and protected. Peace.