Quote:
Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight
T
I said another fear was that he mostly deals with shorter-term clients, and it would be coming up on a year for me in September, so I was worried he'd think I should be done by then. He said I was mind-reading there (he said that a couple other times in session, too) and asked why I had that impression?
. . .
I said part of my issue with ex-T close to the end is that she seemed frustrated/disappointed that I wasn't all better.
|
I think it's okay to comment here-- it's the other T thread (gotta tell you something) that can upset people. If I'm wrong, please ignore and I am sorry for what I'm about to say.
I wanted to just make two comments about your content-- the first is that I think the fact that you can discuss these topics that are highly emotional and deep means that you have made incredible progress. That you might still be struggling with the "same" issues in terms of making the changes you want doesn't discount that. Even being able to write about a session like this so that others can read and understand it, that is also a sign of progress that goes beyond your substantial writing chops. Clearly you are thinking about very complex and tough topics like rejection in your sessions.
The other thing I wanted to say is about the mind reading bit. We all do it, and I think it's possible you may have done the same with your ex-T. Mind reading is such a trap because it's so easy to be wrong about someone else's feelings or perspectives, but if you act on your perceptions it can be a real relationship killer, in and out of therapy. I'm surprised your T didn't make this point himself, as in whatever you think your ex t thought, you must be "correct" about that, but what you think about him is mind reading.
I worked very hard on this with my H and with my son when he was an early adolescent. With my H, I would stop myself when I thought he had a negative reaction to something and check it out with him. With my kid, I think it's a natural product of adolescence for them to mind read because it's part of the thing they have with thinking they are always right, but I really wanted him to check out what he thought I was thinking or feeling. We do much better with this now, but he's also 17. So he's in a different place now.
Again, I'm sorry if you didn't want a response or if mine was unhelpful. Just this session resonated with me although my attachment issues inside therapy are different than my other relationships. I think because you are discussing such deep stuff, you are creating skills in intimacy that will translate to your other relationships and improve them.