Hi so I have this fears and they’re always making me nauseous just to think about it.
TRIGGER WARNING!!!!!
I may have sexual issues or at least for me they are, when I was a kid I used to “self-stimulate” a lot and like I’ve mentioned in some of my posts I used to watch pornography and I regret it a lot.
I always think I am a bad person, even a criminal because I always ask myself if I’ve hurted people in a kind of sexual way. I don’t like to watch people because sometimes my eyes look at something I shouldn’t and it annoys me a lot.
Why am I like these? I always ask myself that question and start to feel really bad about it. I think that just staring at people is bad.
The issue here is that even though I thought I had OCD now I’m not sure, there are always intrusive thoughts related to peodphilia and today something happened: My sister and I share bethrooms (we are both girls) and I have to change for school in the morning; my sister as well, (she is just a kid) she sometimes tends to stay in underware while changing and I’ve told her to cover up with something, it makes me scared thinking that I make her uncormftable or even that I’m capable of abuse her, and I hate to say it but sometimes I get “turned up” in random occasions, and with these the intrusive thoughts come and I feel really dirty and feel like vomiting, this time I felt “turned up” when my sister was changing clothes, and I didn’t liked it it was horrible
I got scared and when I get “turned up” I feel irritating and annoyed because I hate that feeling.
Also yesterday I went to my bedroom to sleep but I had to change to my pijama, my sister was sleeping so I started to change but then a thought crossed my mind, what if she is watching? What if I made her uncormftable? This things are worrying me a lot and I’m really anxious about everything again. Can someone tell me what’s wrong with me? What do I do? Shall I stay away from children and my family?