Oh, thats not good. Imo. That kinda explains why you keep bumping up against his "countertransference". I mean, my feeling was, i didnt like my feelings to begin with - i dont need somebody ELSE telling me im effed up and to stop it. I want to confront it with him.

But maybe thats part of his aspie/sports/AA paradigm - you dont want to indulge and thereby enforce the unwanted behavior, which UPR would imply, so he confronts and redirects it ASAP?

Because IF you wanted to confront it with him, then, when he turned around to put the stone back on the sill and you felt bad, you needed AT THAT MOMENT to tell him what you were feeling - that you had hoped FOR A MOMENT he would return it to you.

Its a different kind of therapy than youve been reporting, really being in the moment, but i think UPR is essential then. Because how could respond any way but kindly to you? Not necessarily returning the stone, but dealing with your feelings right then. But YOU have to make those moments happen. You have to realize that nothing else on todays agenda is more important than your feeling at that moment.

Thats how i did t, anyway.