Should is a tricky word, you can try to dismiss it, but sometimes shoulds go hand in hand with wants.
I should be able to get what I want, should be able to be who I want to be...
When shoulds and wants are so intertwined in becomes difficult to ignore, to talk yourself out of feeling bad for not being who you think you should be, or want to be.
I’m short on solutions fuzzy and I don’t want to give upbeat advice if I cannot implement it myself, but I understand the shoulds...though they may be different than yours I have a long list of them and they beat me up daily.
I do give credit where credit is due though, when I do achieve something I set out to do I make sure to allow myself to feel good about it.
You are kind and supportive to us here on pc, and no one here gives better hugs.
Don’t forget to give some of that kindness to yourself, not because you should, but because we want you to.