Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
Your write up is so vivid I felt like I was there. You really could write a great and much-needed book titled something like : The Client's Perspective. I over-related to it bc it seemed like you went to my therapy too lol.
|
Well, I have wanted to write a book at some point in my life!
Quote:
|
Okay, so in general is there something about some T's that make them need to be wanted like this, but disown the need? I don't think your T was warranted to bring that back up. At least, it was about him and not you. Moreover, if you HAD correlated holding the stone with holding onto him, what the heck happened to unconditional positive regard. Should he really dump on you that makes him uncomfortable, or should he consider it countertransference and see his own T?
|
As mentioned above, he doesn't buy into the unconditional positive regard thing. I feel like it's countertransference going on. He is going to get consultation on it (doesn't have his own T or a supervisor). He said the following as part of his response to my e-mail: "At this point the whole stone-as-a-connection concept has become muddled to me and I think I will need to talk to a colleague or two as a way of helping me make sense of my thinking and your needs/request." (I did write back and make sure he wasn't going to talk to ex-MC, since I know they've consulted before! He assured me that he wouldn't.)
Quote:
|
My T sometimes will conclude things are "a sign of how important I am to you right now" etc. I am puzzled by that not bc I think he is wrong, but by how odd it is to say that to someone. I am really important to you rather than you are really important to me. . . Why is it that when T's do it it is mentalizing and a good thing but when the patient does it it is mind reading?
|
That's a really good question...and he kept using mindreading, which seemed like it was putting the blame back on me. Rather than his thinking about what he may have said that made me think certain things. (Yes, I do tend to mindread, but I also had certain impressions from things he's said, so I didn't pull some of the stuff out of nowhere!)
Quote:
|
LT, is your T , on some level, entertaining this idea of you holding him by holding a stone a bit too long, and giving in the sunlight of his attention in a way that makes it grow?
|
I don't know--I've told him repeatedly that I didn't see holding the stone as holding *him*, yet he keeps mentioning it, so I'm not sure what's up with that. Does he not believe me? Is it something else?
Quote:
|
I know, for me, I have a few very passionate and intense relationships, a whole marriage and a relationship now, and that is NOT what I feel for or about my T. On the other hand, having told T secrets, I am paranoid he sees me as a DX and kind of a ruined version of a human less than himself( less than his own family members) . There is some deep need for recognition of humanity I have from him, that is not in play in any other relationship past or present - like an unfillableness. I really don't get what is wrong with two professionals being lined on Linked In - T and Client or not. Linked in is so boring and formal- it seem like a nod to normalcy and equality- not some grievous violation of boundaries and rules.
|
I understand these sentiments. I also worry how T sees me. And I was extremely upset one session when ex-T seemed to just be painting me as a product of my OCD, like suggesting any thoughts I had about ex-MC were obsessions from my disorder, which to me made me feel like she was saying they weren't real feelings, but a symptom. And yeah, with LinkedIn--not sure why he picked that as an example, since it's so professionally focused (maybe because he's on there and not Facebook?) I have tons of connections on there, and it's not like I really look at the pages or connections of most people, unless they're in my field (which isn't psychotherapy).
Quote:
|
It bugs me that your T seems to have some commitment-anxiety befitting a romantic situation with you, when the issue is more about attachment and something intrapsychic, inside yourself, not between you and him .
|
Yes, I have to wonder if this stems from my whole "I love you" thing to ex-MC back in December? And he equates "transference/attachment" with romantic love? Even though I've told him that really, the most difficult parts of my transference for ex-MC involved the paternal stuff. How that was most of it really. I did say maybe a month ago in talking about this "I don't have romantic love for you," and he thanked me for confirming that. So maybe that's his fear? Or...it could be since he's only 7 years older than me (and seems to have some issues with getting older, from things he's said), he feels weird being seen as a paternal figure? I don't know.
But I agree with what you said that it's more about stuff inside myself. If it wasn't, why would I have similar reactions to both ex-MC and T, who are very different people? And have had that in the past with a teacher? It's clearly part of a pattern, more what those people represent to me vs. them as individuals. Which I've been trying to emphasize to him, including recently.
Quote:
|
Am I off there? Sorry if so. I am pretty fired up about T's in general, and the way we do let them be so pivotal in a given week and hang on their responses and need them. Although I am fired up, my T is still pivotal lol and I really care about therapy.
|
I don't think your'e totally off base, no. It is very difficult to deal with how important they can be in our lives...I have to wonder if I'm one of T's first clients (in 15 years!) to be particularly open about that aspect of therapy.