Yes, by contacting him, I was looking to get back together. And I do think I placed him on a pedestal. I have a hard time with relationships and the way my life is at the moment I would have taken crumbs. I am extremely depressed at the moment. I was doing better with this whole thing a month or so ago. I was hardly thinking about him. then, not sure what happened, but I started up again.
I have no money, no support and no one to count on. I suffer from depression, anxiey, and at this point severe loneliness.