I’m a female in my mid-thirties who has NEVER EVER been in a relationship with a guy I love. I’ve only had two very short relationships with guys I didn’t like because I thought that no one else would want to be with me and both relationships ended tragically in a traumatizing way. I’ve been told by a lot of people that I’m attractive, kind, and smart and that any guy is lucky to have me, but unfortunately I don’t seem to attract any guy that I like. Because of that, I’ve become extremely depressed and bitter. I was also diagnosed with bipolar disorder and PTSD after a guy that I thought was my first love led me on for months just to leave me and marry someone else to whom he was actually engaged all that time but I didn’t know that he was.
I used to have a sunny personality and was very optimistic and energetic. Now I’ve gained weight because I started binge eating after that guy left me, I’m depressed all the time and have become very lethargic and lost all interest in the things I used to love before I became depressed. And every time I try to go on a diet, I fail because I think to myself that no one will ever love me and that I’m too old to find love. I’m not obese, but I’ve become overweight after having maintained the perfect body for years. And what kills me is that I know that most guys steer clear from overweight women, but I honestly am unable to stop eating every time I’m depressed which is almost all the time.
I tried everything over the years to be in a relationship with a decent guy: online dating, going to singles events, volunteering, practicing the law of attraction, going to psychics...etc but to no avail.
I’m very lonely and very afraid of what the future holds for me.
I had female friends and family members who used to be jealous of me but are all happily married with kids now while I ended up lonely and rejected by MANY guys. All the guys I’ve shown interest in have left me for someone else even before we would start a relationship together which made me wonder what is it that these girls have but I don’t have.
My severe depression has taken a toll on my work and there were many days where I had to call in sick.
All my dreams of finding love are now crushed and everything in my life seems to be going wrong. And what’s making my situation even worse is that now I’m only attracted to guys from a nationality other than my own (because I dated guys from my own nationality before but it ended tragically every time) but I can’t travel there by myself because I keep having constant nightmares and recently I’ve become very scared to stay anywhere by myself although I used to be very brave. I have no idea how this fear has started or where it came from!?
All of my friends and family members who love me have absolutely no idea what’s stopping me from finding love and settling down and it’s driving me crazy that neither me nor them know the reason behind this tragedy which is my love life.
I see girls from all shapes and sizes and ethnic backgrounds (and some of them don’t even have any moral values) finding love and having guys beg for their attention but not me.
What’s wrong with me? Who’s or what’s standing in my way of finding love? I can’t seem to find the answer to this question.
I’m so sad because I didn’t know that this was going to happen to me and that I was meant to spend years in this torture, especially after I used to receive a lot of praise and compliments when I was younger and everybody had high hopes for me in this regard.