Hi,
I'm new here, I just really needed to find some people who understand because so much of the world doesn't. I've been dealing with depression since my teenage years (I'm 39 now), I've seen therapists off and on and I see a psychiatrist regularly, she has me on a combination of Wellbutrin & Prozac, which have worked pretty well except for times like right now when, despite my best efforts, I am falling into a dark place again.

I got in trouble at work today because I called in sick the last two days. And I hate myself for doing it but I just didn't have it in me to get out of bed. Which is not really something you can tell the boss. He's the type who expects everyone to be there unless you're in a hospital bed. So being down in the dumps is not going to fly.

I'd like to say it's the first time it's happened but it seems to happen every few months (usually just for a day, not 2 days in a row). It probably doesn't help that it's a dull, dead-end job that I'm only staying with because it pays well. But now that I've been called out I'm terrified that I'm going to get fired because the day will come again when the alarm goes off and I just can't do it. I know, the simple answer is, just suck it up, get out of bed and don't call in sick any more. But it's just not that easy.

I guess I just wanted to vent and hope that someone out there understands that I'm not just a lazy ***** slacker, even though it very much looks that way on the outside. I had such great plans for my life, but never the energy or passion to carry them out. The person I am and the person I want to be are so very different, and it's so frustrating.