Quote:
Originally Posted by amandalouise
you seem to know a lot about whats going on with your alters... heres a question.... how does your system handle other conflicts...its not like this is the first time alters have disagreed about things in general or more important issues right.....
example one time in therapy I was having problems with one alter believing something had happened and another alter felt it happened a different way and yet another alter was yelling in my head it never happened in any way.
my therapist asked each a question..... no two alters are the same so how does the system usually handle when there is a disagreement. she also pointed out we had been DID whether we knew the technical term or not since before we were 5 years old. so in all those 20 some odd years of sharing a body you cant tell me (the therapist) that this is the one and only time any of you all have disagreed.
of course it wasnt the first and only time any of my alters disagreed with each other. they all had their own way of being, their own sense of agency so of course like normal children and teens there was going to be occasional upsets, occasional disagreements, and down right fighting. so how did the system for all that time from the first alter creation to my biological adulthood handle things like this....
turned out there was an alter inside who's sense of agency was to deal with conflicting situations. having to perform during intimacy with adults when being a child, and knowing it was wrong/ didnt feel right, being blamed for doing things that others did, one wanting to play on the play ground and another wanting to jump rope and another wanting to color.....the list of internal conflicts were many with my alters....
so thats how my system since very early childhood handled conflicts of any kind, the alter who's sense of agency was to do this, did their sense of agency of settling conflicts.
my point is since you are DID and this probably isnt the first time your alters have had conflicts of beliefs and feelings and you are able to know and communicate with your alters maybe you can ask inside and find out which alter has been handling this conflict all your life. then ask inside for their help in keeping things calm while the parents are visiting. (Im also assuming here this is not the first time that you have had to spend time with your parents since your alters were created during very early childhood, so someone inside must know how to handle this situation of being around your abusers)
|
Thanks for the input, Amanda Louise. I'm not sure that I have a conflict resolving alter. So what I do is talk to the child alters and ask them not to be present when I'm spending time with my parents. Sometimes this works, and things go OK.
However, at other times, I feel a child alter taking over. I feel like, and believe, that I am a rejected, disappointing letdown to my family. I see myself fawning over everything my mom does. I compliment her, let her decide how we spend our time, etc. I feel unworthy and notice how things I say aren't really respected by my family or are taken with a grain of salt. It is like I've gone back in time to when I was a child, and it appears like they treat me the same way too (like we have all returned to the past). When this happens, I usually know now, because I have learned to be more aware of when it happens, but I can't switch back to my normal adult self.
On the other hand, if I can stay in my adult presence, this does not happen. I can maintain my sense of agency and a measure of self-respect, not needing their acceptance. The only drawback is that then I don't see that there is any problem between me and my family and so I doubt my other alters.
I'm not sure how to resolve this conflict, Amanda Louise. What I see is just a back and forth, back and forth as alters take over. I think THAT IS the way that I've learned to deal with conflicting parts. I am very wishy washy, depending on who is taking charge. I don't want to be this way! There must be a better way...