Esme - it took me a loooong time, with a few missteps on both sides (he would make a joke and i would freak out; i could be ten times as seductive as his joke and be completely blind to it), but i think what i finally wanted to know was (and i did ask explicitly), was i safe in his presence? Could he love me without taking advantage of me? I am starting to detect these messages between you and your t. And LT's t. This is what the wedding ring means, the family pictures - that they are safe for us to be around. At least, that is their intended meaning (by them or their wives?).