My feelings of jealousy towards her started wayyy back in college (when I was still undiagnosed), because I was competing with her regarding our grades. That silent competition I have towards her led me to passive aggressively hurt her by ignoring her for three years in college (2009-2011) and joining another group of friends. We were friends on and off because of my jealousy issues towards her (that she doesn't know, and learned only when we reconnected back in June of 2015).

I even wished secretly that she fails on her grades...and even up to now that she fails on being a nurse...

I'm aware that was really repulsive and pathetic of me to do that. I think everything is beyond repair now.

Yes, I do see a psychiatrist...I don't have a therapist besides my psychiatrist because I find it expensive to have another one...

My psychiatrist told me that it's unwise for me to do that because more than anything, I shouldn't have pushed other people away that I actually need to maintain a social life however that their are only few of them that remained...My psychiatrist even told me that I "think" that it may be helpful to me "now" but we will see how it would affect me on the long run...[emoji852]️ We had not discussed my feelings further when I opened up about my jealousy issues towards my former friend and she (my psychiatrist) just straight up gave me an advice that I mentioned above.