Hello Easysail: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I'm sorry I cannot be of any help with regard to your concerns. Hopefully other members, here on PC, may have some suggestions. From my perspective I think this may be something you're going to need to delve into, at-length & in-depth, with the help of a skilled counselor or therapist. However here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of interest:

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/love-...-finding-love/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/true-l...w-do-you-know/

https://psychcentral.com/loneliness/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-step...ding-new-love/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/change...ind-true-love/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/are-yo...dium=popular17

I wish you well...