I can sympathize with you. The only reason I was ever married was because I married someone I didn't even love. Otherwise I don't think I ever would of been married or ever had kids.

Since my divorce I have only really been with married men (I take what I can get because of extreme loneliness). otherwise again, I would not have been with any men really. I don't know how to date. I only how to sleep with men.

In high school I always felt left out because everyone always had a guy or boyfriend and I always had nothing. I am very attractive but very shy and I have a hard time making friends. I dated my husband because there was no one else. I did like him and he was a good friend but because I never really loved him it blew up and ended. I am glad I am not with him anymore but I do miss having at least someone to sort of do things with. I am on dating sites now but my life is no where near I want it to be so I get scared of showing the real me, so I usually just delete myself. I end up with married ones because I don't have to show them who I really am. I can only give sex. oh, and I am in my 40's. I feel as if there is no hope anymore and I am too old. I had hoped after my divorce I would of remarried and maybe even had another child, but that is too far gone. I am at rock bottom and have no hope of anything.