So my struggles with alcoholism began shortly after turning 21. I turned 23 this April. This problem has been expedited in the last year due to personal reasons. I've recently started thinking that I need to drink to feel any emotion. I can't feel sadness or happiness or empathy unless I'm drunk. So I've drank every day for the last 6 months.
I don't want to drink forever, but I don't want to be numb forever either.
I've been on around 15 different antidepressants in the last 5 years, to no avail. Alcohol is my only comfort.

I wonder if I'll ever be okay. With no close friends, no close family, no stable income or living situation, $45,000 in college loan debt, and no drive to keep going, I'm doubtful if I'll make it.

The worst part is, I can't even feel sad about this. I'm too numb.