Asuyuka,

There is nothing that is trivial when it has an effect on you. I have realized that the smallest things in life are the most important.....they are the things that mean the most.

To be treated with respect....just treated as another person.....not treated mean. For people to acknowledge that we are even there & not made fun of, teased. Sadly, kids are the worst for that & if we survive our childhood (which is a miracal) then we can go on..hopefully able to gain back some of the self-esteem that we lost if kids were really mean to us.

Sadly, if parents aren't good at working with children who get treated badly, they sometimes only make the hurt worse & bringing the child down even more & the damage can become permanent....& we withdraw from everyone to protect ourselves. As a child, that coping skill is the only one we know. As a child, other children are just mean...it really isn't that they hate us, they are just mean & when they get together, it's kind of a group thing & they get even meaner....the sad thing is that they usually don't hate you, it's just what they do because it makes them feel important or popular.....there are many reasons why children are just mean without hatred even being behind it. All we know is that it hurts because there is no way for us to understand their thinking. It doesn't make sense because we never did anything to hurt them & it's hard to tell anyone what we are feeling & when we don't, then we can't get the help & support we really need from our parents or teachers.

I know when things build on top of the childhood things without supportive parents to coach you through these things & show you the love that is missing around you, it only gets worse & more things pile ontop as our life goes on & the useless, not cared about or loved feeling only grows. I agree that there isn't a more horrible feeling that when I feel I'm being ignored of that I don't exist.

It's important to put those thoughts out of your head....easier said than done. It is important to continually tell yourself that you are a valuable person.....I know that what I am saying here belongs more in the spiritual forum, but knowing that God created me & that he loves me & that I have a purpose here on earth even though I don't know what it is yet. I remember a saying from a few years ago...."God doesn't make junk" & that he pays attention to even the smallest sparrow. Knowing this has always help me when I am down on myself & feeling worthless.

It's also important to protect ourselves from people who don't respect us. Rather than ignoring people like that, it's best if we don't allow them into our lives in the first place if we can sense them out before they are allowed in.

There is nothing trivial about your feelings. Your reactions to the way you have been treated are very normal.....everyone deserves to be treated with respect & to be acknowledged that you exist as a person & your thoughts are valuable just as much as anyone elses.....building up your self confidence after it has been torn down is difficult, but can be worked on & overcome.....it takes time & a good therapist can definitely help.

Know that you are cared about & respected by many....those that don't are only a few....unfortunately, they are the ones that stand out.

Hopefully you can get some help here on PC to help you build back your confidence & know that you are a valuable person who is respected. Also know that your feelings aren't selfish & there is nothing wrong it taking care of yourself.

I want you to know that I care & many others here also care,
Debbie