T said I go into these fantasies about her and we have to get me back on track. I've been doing fine but because of my illness I'm trying to make the relationship with her the main thing. She said she's always been very clear that she can't be my "drug". It's not the goal. The goal is for me to use my self and other people, not her.

She's right. I've wanted all my Ts to be the answer, my drug of choice. I've made therapy about them. T and me.
I want a mother or a relationship, or some of both. She said only I know the answer to why I do this.

So, I have to stop thinking T is more than my T. She's going on a trip with her bf so I will miss next week. Her life shouldn't matter but I'm jealous.

I'm scared about my physical condition. T is trying to help me but is limited. She's looking into chronic pain Ts but I wouldn't have to stop seeing her. I was scared last night. There's some kind of mold in my house and I couldn't breathe right. Slept on a few pillows. I have too many health problems. I have to wait for my insurance to approve Savella.