I don't find you scary. But I do get frustrated when you seem to insist on seeing everything only your way, and therefore seem to want people only to agree with you, or support your views. Which in many cases I do, but from a slightly different perspective.

In my own life I have found that considering the views of people who have some similarities with me, some differences, can help me to expand my own perspective, my own vision.

I think your list is a good idea. That is how you are in the present. No fakeness that I can see. Hence, probably a good starting point for your further development or "change"? I've found that when I "change", by abandoning parts of myself, it doesn't work out in the long term, so congrats to you for not going down that road.

The challenge that I see is, what roads are there for you to go down? I understand your anger and that point of view. It's one that I abandoned in myself, had a hard time finding and accepting. But it also seems like a black hole when I am in it, lonely, and stuck.

Are there any people or any things in life that you like. That's kind of what I'm trying to find at the moment. Perhaps then a way or a road to get to them will suggest itself? Not without struggle, not without twists and turns, not that there aren't some times when the road might seem hard to see, or that you may find yourself stuck again, for an annoying while. But what are the other options?

It would be great if you could find a therapist like that, someone you actually liked, who saw things your way AND also a little different, so that you could both feel like you were understood and that there could be some boadening of your perspective.

I never found a therapist like that for me. I did find one, or some, with whom I reenacted the dynamics of trauma from my family of origin, and eventually that triggered or touched the core "hurt". What to do at that point, though, therapy didn't have any answers for.

Yes, stress "naturally" can make one selfish and self-absorbed with one's own protection, one's own needs, etc. And. . .that can have negative side effects on social relationships. What to do about all this, how to "improve", move on, etc.? I don't have much of an answer. Just my best wishes and support for you continuing to try, keeping on keeping on.