I’m sorry if this is too forward, but may I ask you for advice?

My boyfriend & I have both suffered from low self esteem & depression, but support each other on a daily basis to help the other. Usually we get by fine, & have many happy days/memories. He’s been especially down lately, but insists he’s fine, I remind him I’m here, I hug him, & tell him I love him. I know he’s bothered that we’re spending a week with his father who’s likely to prod at him for not getting a job he wanted him to have. He feels guilty I pay more of the bills, & he always says he self sabotages things because he doesn’t think he deserves them.

He loves Alice in Wonderland, also Sushi. I made an unbirthday party with his favorite sushi last night. He ate, & barely said a word. I sat at the table afterwards crying. He heard me, & came to wash my face. Asked if I wanted another cup of tea, & then left the room.

I went to bed crying, afraid I’m loosing him. We always say we’re a family, & I feel like I’m being left out, & something is going on that he won’t talk about. He came in, we talked, & I told him how I feel, my concerns, I asked him to talk, to tell me what’s going on, & he barley spoke, seemed more frustrated that I was still concerned.

This morning he got ready for work, & quietly closed the door when he leaves. Over 3 years together, he’s never left without giving me a kiss, & saying I love you. I ran out into the rain, said “excuse me” & hugged him, kissed, him, & I love you. He barely hugged back, & said “I have to go to work”

I don’t know what to do. We’re about to move into our new house together, 2 weeks ago he asked my dad for permission to marry me, but something is off, & I want to help him, I just don’t know what to do.