One thing that helps me as I travel along the path to serenity is accepting that sometimes the "pleaser" parts will show up and fawn on people. Sometimes I will be better able to hold boundaries. As long as the pleasing parts do things like you describe-complimenting, letting them make decisions about where to eat, things that don't involve abuse-I'm ok with them reacting that way. They are little and that is all they know. Like you, I suggest that the littles don't need to be present in stressful situations, but I also figure that it isn't going to make a whole lot of difference if we go to the mall instead of golfing. No need to beat my self up for not staying adult-that is rarely helpful anyway.