With ex-marriage counselor, he seemed to be of the policy that it was OK to share anything, any thoughts or feelings. And up until something that happened near the end, he seemed accepting and nonshaming of anything I shared, including stuff about my transference for him. And he'd said it was OK to ask him anything, but he couldn't guarantee he would answer (and no, I didn't ask him the "what he likes sexually" question!) That mostly came up when I suspected, then he confirmed that his wife was sick, that I could ask him anything about what's going on with her, he just would only answer some of it. And he tended to be quite open about himself and his family otherwise, lots of disclosing without us needing to ask!

But then what led to the end of it all, which most of you have probably read before, is my sharing in an e-mail that I loved him. Even though it was something I'd said before, and I clarified in a subsequent e-mail that it was platonic, and he initially said, "Of course it's OK!" when I asked in that first e-mail if it's OK...a phone call after that led to the unraveling of our relationship when he acted harshly toward me, was gaslighting me about how he'd acted in the past (like with boundaries and outside contact and stuff), and then said I had to reduce contact. So apparently it wasn't OK to share *anything* after all...