((((((((Mouse))))))))))
What a good point you made about being able to control T in the here and now as opposed to things that happened in the past. That really makes sense to me!

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Perhaps now I need to start talking with her about how it would be if I disliked her.

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Maybe you don't dislike her, but you're just disappointed with her? (I don't know, I'm just guessing) I've learned lately that the goal is to be able to hold differing feelings for the same person instead of idealizing them/devaluing them. I think it's difficult for people who have intense feelings, you know?

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get T to see things my way and stay with me LOL

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I hear you on this one! I keep thinking, If only I could be like ______, he would care for me like a family member, etc.
If only I could get ahold of his timer, I could have more time in session, LOL.

I'm here, Mouse. You are not alone.