In a way, I realize it is comforting to know that my T cares enough about me and knows me well enough to want me to stay on track. She knows that when I start thinking about her in unhealthy ways it's not good for me. She has always stressed that she's a professional and that I pay her to help me function in my life, and that it's not about her. She's always wanted to hear about my real life supports other than her. Always. Often I fought her on that because I wanted it to be different. But T is my therapist. She sends me love and hugs as my therapist who wants to help me and cares deeply for me. She doesn't require anything back from me except money. She can't BE the solution. She can only help me FIND solutions and listen to me. I know this intellectually and have always known it. Accepting it emotionally is what is so very difficult.