Rainbow, can I ask, do you actually actively fantasize about your T when you aren’t not together, or is it more like she sees you interacting with her as a fantasy version of her? My T had said the same sort of thing.

I’ve often used day dreams about him for comfort, something I haven’t done since the last time I was in therapy, many years ago. I don’t know whether it’s a good thing, because it does bring me some comfort (but not without a decent dose of self hatred and anger at myself for doing it), but I wonder if it also stops me finding that in real life. I try to stop myself, but sometimes it’s all there is to calm me down if I don’t want to go the actual (prescription) drug route.

Then again, I don’t WANT my real life relationships to be solely focused on taking care of me. That’s not what grown up relationships are about. I also wonder if this comfort hunger would even exist if it wasn’t activated in a care relationship, or does it all just go underground between attachment figures - sometimes for many years at a time?

I’d really like to understand more about this, and it seems like you are in a similar place, albeit, a more open and honest one. I can’t even begin to talk with my T about this.