What resonates with me even though I don't have similar fantasies is that part of the value of therapy is having a conversational partner who I can discuss intimate and important things to me. I've been widowed longer than you, but I still miss having intimate conversations with him; my T was always better at meeting this "discussion" need of course because it was all focused on me.

It seems normal to me that in times of crisis this relationship need would reappear, even though you've made a lot of progress in the past. It seems like your physical condition has impacted your ability to be social and engage in other ways with people. Like craving comfort food, your relationship with your T is a kind of craving when things are difficult.

I hope everything improves for you soon.