Quote:
Originally Posted by SalingerEsme
One more set of questions, bc I really want to know the answers. What triggers you to drive by their houses, and how does it feel when you do it? Is it like thrill-seeking, a daring adventure? Is it like payback or revenge for all they won't tell and give? Is it like knowing where the house is and what it looks like is a huge transitional object, a source of comfort?
I am the polar opposite and don't understand that either. My insurance company billed me with T's home address, and now I will go to any lengths to avoid that whole town. When I have to go there for inescapable reasons, I dread running into him and I feel that I have to cede him the whole town, like it is his now. It 's very weird . I would also feel invaded if I ran into him in my little suburb town.
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I can't answer this question for T (or ex-T or ex-MC) because I don't know where his house is. But with the high school teacher for whom I had transference...I did know where his house was, because he was listed in the phone book (yeah, I'm old!) It was kind of on my way back from my high school job (very slight detour), and I never drove onto his actual street, but could see his house from the street I was on. It gave me comfort to see his lights on, his car in the driveway (I'd seen him get into his car at school, so I knew it was his). It was like confirmation that he still existed.
I felt similar reactions when I saw ex-MC's car in the parking lot when I went to see ex-T (I'd see ex-MC get into and out of his car multiple times, so I knew which one it was--plus it was a small parking lot!) Or if I saw his door closed (he'd keep it closed if in session--if he was out of the office, he'd have it open with his light off) when I went to see her. It was like, "Good, you still exist and are presumably OK." So for me, comfort.