I know people are responding. I kind of meant when things initially happened.

It hurts when I'm continually reminded that I formed a bond with someone I only knew, at first, online. I don't really need to be reminded of that. I already feel stupid and ashamed. It's most certainly not the first time he's done it, but I was a terrible target. I was too easy for a person like him to manipulate in spite of pushing him away several times. We had met prior to my going to Tennessee, actually. The fact that he refused to change things up and come to Michigan after I broke my foot and was working with a cut income should have clued me in. But that's how it works for them, isn't it. They know our weaknesses. He was patient. Freaking years he spent wearing me down until I finally gave in to his advances. But no, I have no proof. I'm the kind of person who hates clutter in her inbox; I delete messages and texts frequently. When I looked up getting text transcripts, it doesn't seem that's a thing irl. Verizon says they can go back 90 days with a court order, and even then it is only the time and date of each text. Not the conversation. I can't prove the things he said, begging me to come see him. But it'll show how, during his mini-discards when he'd stonewall in the middle of my expressing hurt to him, I'd freak out and text bomb him. That abandonment thing runs so deep.

I'm sure he knows all of this. He knows how far he can go, and what I can prove. I doubt this is the first time he's done this. I'll venture that there's not been a woman who has hit back as hard as I have, but that just makes him more dangerous; he's up against a wall, and trying to save his reputation and relationship with a woman who will ask how high when he says jump. He can easily make this bad for me.

In the research I've done, I have no recourse. A letter to cease would only provoke them further to call my bluff. And I don't know that I can easily get a PPO for another state without having to appear in court in TN and I'm not looking to go back. There are "Ask a lawyer" sites kind of like "Ask a Vet," and I may jump on and ask about the PPO. I've used the ask a vet service and it was very helpful...it was a long time ago, but basically it listed the professionals and their credentials, and required a small fee for a correspondence.

But otherwise, I don't know. I'm not in the place where I have the energy to fight much. I have missed three days of work this week with a respiratory infection--in bed and on steroids, then after I had all of this happen, I spiked a fever and slept most of the rest of the day, til about midnight tonight. I'm not usually one to get sick often and if I do, it's usually pretty minor. But I've had this, and about a month ago I had a weird virus that my doc could only describe as viral meningitis. Viral isn't necessarily super serious, but there was another two days I missed. I undergo stress daily and can deal, so the fact that my body is wearing down tells me my mind has about had it.