I'm so sorry CCL, your struggle is on so many fronts right now. I don't know much about eating disorders, if that's what is really going on. I do know that women in general (and probably women in California even more so..lol) are under an absurd expectation burden about their appearance. I think that's awful and sucks bad.

The other thing I think is that the more on top of your bipolar situation you get, the more some of these other things may come into fucus.

Was glad to see in a post yesterday that you are taking the depakote. I hope you experience some relief soon.

I think you are fabulously bright, artistic and emotionally honest. I am in utter empathy with your current struggle with order disorder and how and who you are. It does yield, you do go on, and it's better than before. Hang in there.

peace.