I just had an experience that may give us some insight into emptiness. I tend to see myself as those around me reflect back to me, I guess because I have problems establishing my own identity. To illustrate I am gonna tell you what just happened. My neighbors live in a townhouse as do I and their ceiling from their first floor caved in so that all of their stuff from The second floor was in their living room and kitchen. There was some sort of water issue. They are financially struggling anyway, with two little girls to raise. So I decided that I wanted to help them, and in one of my Facebook groups I posted a request for some items I knew that they needed. I felt good about that. But now, I feel really really bad about it.

One lady responded and said that she had a gift card and some toys. She asked to meet with the neighbors directly. Which is fine, except they aren’t in the apartment because it’s under construction again due to the damage. Additionally they both work very long hours on the weekend. The lady with the toys and gift card then suggests the possibility that I wasn’t on the up and up. She didn’t feel comfortable giving me the items and the gift card because it might not get to them.

Now this lady doesn’t know me. She just wants some assurances that what I’m saying is accurate before she gives her money. That’s pretty reasonable really. But it makes me feel like trash. I feel like garbage because she thought that I might not be genuine. I shouldn’t have my entire self esteem destroyed so easily. So what if she’s reflecting negativity on my character. That’s not what my character is, right? To me this is not really a feeling of emptiness but this feeling stems from the root of emptiness that’s in me. Do you know what I mean?