I used to be spontanious with my attempts also....but NOW that I am in control of my life & out of the marriage I felt trapped in I have never had the urge to be spontanious in that way any longer. So I can see how for me it was totally about control just like my anorexia. Sad when one feels it is the only way to escape though the escape took over 13 years to finally happen. It made ALL the difference in my mental health.